Differences in parenting styles can be a major problem. Two individuals with different backgrounds come together to raise a child. The ability to parent gets very complicated when a parent has emotional issues and can't be consistent with their message to their children. In my opinion, that can be a recipe for disaster. Children are smart, period. They quickly figure out how to get their needs and desires met. Problems in parenting occur when both parents can't agree on the messages about the rules for their child.

Limit setting is an area that can be very tricky. One parent may be unable to set limits for a variety of reasons. In my world of psychiatry, if you are depressed, it is very hard to stay consistent with the parenting message. The other parent should agree and not be erratic in supporting the depressed parent in their established kid rules. So when one parent says no but is too overwhelmed to stay consistent, the kid often seeks out the parent who will grant them permission. For example, the kid gets to play on the computer although one parent said no. Later the parent with depressive illness feels better, but the kid learned a lesson about parental differences. Ask parent X for permission when parent Y says no. The child learns from the parenting differences not to listen to the "mean" parent who sets limits.

This Mindsupport message is to settle your parental differences in adult privacy. Kids learn life lessons when both parents agree on the issues.